Need an aspirin, Joan Burton? The future according to Old Moore

On the front inside cover is a colour photograph of a large perky rat, advertising a produce for pest control on farms. On the back cover, there's an ad for baling machines. This is Old Moore's Almanac, which has been around with its distinctive emerald-green cover for a very long time: 251 years, according to its editorial.

It has survived for so long because there really isn't any other magazine in Ireland like it. Old Moore's Almanac provides lists of tide tables as well as the fairs, marts and racing fixtures around the country. Google could give you the same, but that's not the point. Can Google give you Old Moore's predictions for 2015, for what will be happening in Ireland and the wider world? And where else would you find articles on subjects as esoteric as the holy wells of Ireland, healers, the paranormal, wedding traditions and "past-life regressions"?

Nicole Buckler is editor of the almanac, which has a modest staff of three and costs €4.50. She has been there since 2009, when the almanac was relaunched and colour was introduced. "We sold 46,000 copies of the 2015 edition," she says. "Circulation is actually going up again."

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Readers traditionally were farmers, and people living in rural Ireland. The age profile of those who buy it used to be predominantly 50 plus. Since Buckler took over, she thinks the average age is now 39, although she can’t be sure.

Their biggest sales are in Galway, Dublin, Cork, and Athlone. “We have lots of readers who write in,” Buckler says. “They tell us they’ve been buying the almanac for 60 years, which is great, but that audience won’t be there forever, so we’re trying to make it more relevant to younger audiences. Our readers do have a great sense of ownership over the magazine.”

Among the pieces featured in this year’s almanac are ones on knitting and on an animal psychic who counselled hypnotist Paul McKenna’s Great Danes. There are poems and stories written by readers and bizarre tips for household frugality and recycling. The tips include the claim that toothpaste makes a good cleaning product for car headlights (what’s wrong with rain?); that if for some reason you want to put a cut apple together again, use elastic bands; and should there be a power cut, “in an emergency a crayon will burn for 30 minutes”.

There are horoscopes, a crossword, a piece on native trees, lots of ads from farming-related products, and a stirring piece from an Elvira Powel called “The only prayer you will ever need”. It turns out that Powel was told a prayer by her uncle on his deathbed and “it changed my life”. This passed-on prayer found her a “successful businessman” husband and a job. “I know now that I shall never have to worry about money again.”

So what is this marvellous prayer? It turns out that the whole piece is an ad for Powel’s book, which can be yours for €14.99. In it she will reveal this prayer, so that you too can benefit. “If you need a better memory, better concentration, more confidence, more money, a better job, a promotion, gambling wins – whatever – this prayer will answer your need.” I assume you get a refund if all your prayers are not answered.

Futuristic farming

Life-changing prayers aside, features that have proved to be consistently popular are those that look at old Irish traditions, and, by way of contrast, futuristic farming. The current issue has an article with the headline “Extra-Terrestrial Farmers”, which states that “the need to farm Martian soil is becoming a reality”.

But easily the most popular section in the almanac – and the one that has always been the best-loved – is Old Moore’s Predictions.

“It’s the most shared thing on our Facebook page. We hear stories about people buying the almanac over Christmas and bringing it to the pub to discuss the predictions with their friends.”

There are predictions for every month, including those specific to Ireland, as well as for the wider world and the weather.

“They have been running from the start,” says Buckler. For anyone who thinks that a few people sit around in an office throwing paper balls at each other while making up random pie-eyed forecasts about the future, think again. “We have always had a psychic doing the predictions,” she says.

Furthermore, when Buckler took over, as part of her revamp of the magazine she went looking for a new psychic. These must have been the oddest job interviews she has ever conducted?

“I met a lot of very strange people,” she says. “I was actually a bit traumatised by it. I interviewed at least 20 people, but none of them convinced me they were up to the job. I kept asking them to give me predictions, and they would all look vague and say things like, ‘Jupiter will be moving into Venus’, which is no use to anyone.

“There used to be a lot of doom and gloom in our predictions and a lot about people dying. I wanted to start focusing on science and technology and space and all those trendy things.”

In the end, she “put out feelers” and found the current Old Moore. Sadly, Old Moore wishes to remain anonymous, but Buckler does reveal that it’s a man in his 40s (not that old, then) who lives in Dublin. She was convinced by him when “he told me things about myself nobody else could have known” and gave her some predictions that she says came true.

“He says he can see the news headlines appearing in his head before things happen. He doesn’t even do it for the money, because we can’t pay very much. He does it for the craic.”

Apparently Old Moore’s day job is predicting the stock markets, so I’ll be keeping a particularly keen eye on any of his economic-related predictions for 2015.

oldmooresalmanac.com

Twitter: @TOldMooresAlmana

For the rest of the year, I'll be taking a light-hearted look each month at Old Moore's Predictions. Starting in February, I'll be looking back at the month gone by and seeing what, if anything, did come true and what Old Moore missed. Meanwhile, here's a selection of some of his predictions for the months ahead.